Japan TV is not lacking in so-called “transformation shows.”  These are shows that invite women in their twenties with low self-esteem and who are not particularly physically attractive.  These girls come on, give their sob stories, and you cry with them, blah blah blah.  But oh, look—they go through some transformation, and voilà!  Now they are gorgeous.

And how.  Most of these “transformations” are attributed to some form of bizarre (sometimes extreme) dieting, and/or plastic surgery.  Plastic surgery may still have its critics in the States, but it’s a fact of life in Asian countries like Korea, where every girl gets a little nip and tuck gift pre-college, or like in Japan, becoming much more accepted.

Wada Akiko has some show on right now where they invite girls who have had tough adolescent periods because of some awful physical “defect.”  This one girl has extremely small eyes.  I won’t mince words: she’s not a pretty kid.  Her eyes are extremely tiny, even for small Asian eye standards, to the point where you can barely see the whites of her eyes.  In high school, kids used to pour salt on her and brutally tease her for her looks.

Sad, yes, especially in Japan where teasing is a huge problem.  (Some may say these kids just need to grow a backbone and fight back, but that’s another story.)

The hosts cry, we have sad music, and Akiko is not the type to be simperingly sweet to the girl either.  “I’m sorry to be so frank,” she says, “but your eyes are REALLY very small, aren’t they.  They’re very small.”  As a TV viewer, it’s tough to here and watch this.  Don’t you think the girl knows?

They ask the girl what she really wants to do regarding her situation.

The girl replies simply, “I want to learn how to apply make-up properly.”

That’s all.  This completely breaks the celebrity panel’s hearts, because, well, as Akiko puts it: Wouldn’t you expect her to say she wants bigger eyes, or get plastic surgery or something?  Instead, this girl responds so innocently that she wants to know how to put on make-up better, to make herself look better.

This would be fine and nice… but what is the show’s solution?

Give her plastic surgery and make her eyes bigger!

Does she look better?  Sure, her eyes aren’t as small.  But they have also completely realigned her jaw, adjusting her facial bone structure.  Unnecessary vanity surgery.  Cue sympathetic music.  Ah, so this is the beauty of plastic surgery!  Look how much happier this girl’s life will be!  We have saved another ugly person!

What makes me angrier is that they always ask these girls if they have had boyfriends.  Turns out most of these girls who appear on this show haven’t, because you know, their physical appearance is that big obstacle.

And you know, I’m not so naïve to say that looks don’t matter.  Wake up if you think so.  Looks matter a LOT in this world, whether you want to acknowledge it or not.  But the way these kind of transformation shows tackle that topic seems to be: Looks are ALL that matters.  There is a specific way you must look.  Skinny, straight teeth, big eyes.  Anything else is less than acceptable—the proof is right there, in how these girls got cruelly teased.

You can’t tell me that’s NOT the main message.  Why else would these girls not just get corrective surgery (supposedly) but also full-on makeup, hairstyle change, more fashionable clothing… to the point where they look like every other Japanese girl in a magazine, not anything like their former selves.  And that’s the point, I guess, isn’t it?  Your old self wasn’t good enough, it was never good enough.  This is the widely accepted norm—so align yourself with it.

The issue of what establishes self-esteem and these transformation messages is SERIOUSLY warped in this country.  As someone who had a flailing sense of self-esteem in high school—like everyone else, I’m sure—it worries me that young kids are watching this and are extracting the absolutely wrong message.  I’m so glad that stage is behind me…

A friend gave me a great idea: Max from Where the Wild Things Are. Relatively easy, as long as I find a full-length bodysuit… and I am in the land of such possibilities. But I figure there must be some more tips on how to make this a truly stellar costume, so I figured a little Google search wouldn’t hurt.

Well, the search didn’t hurt, but the results did.

Because what does Opening Ceremony think it’s doing by selling their version of a Max costume, and charge a whoppin’ $610 for it?!?!

Actually, I suppose the more important question is: WHO IS THIS MARKETED FOR? Who in their right mind is going to spend $610 for a costume?!?! Especially this one?! (Dude, it doesn’t even look like Max, man.) [via Geekologie]

“I was going to get you a Kindle,” she said hesitantly, as if afraid that I’d suddenly demand to swap my Canon Rebel for the eBook reader.

I made a face.  “Thank GOD you didn’t.”

Yes, it’s true: I have ZERO interest in a Kindle, much less any eBook reader, and don’t see myself getting one anytime soon.  Maybe I’ll eat my words later and you’ll see me, ever the hypocrite, toting my Kindle in my bag so lovingly as I show off all 200 books I downloaded over the weekend.  Most likely, though, I will still have my raggedy, dog ear–marked paperback shoved in my bag, pages stained with coffee and cookie crumbs.

I’ll confess that I have a pretty aesthetic interest in books.  When I go to the bookstore in search of a book, 40 percent of my decision process in getting a book is based on book design.  This applies to everything from size, cover art, the page texture (yes, texture!), font type and size, and the bendiness of the bind.  I won’t say book design determines what book I pick up, but if I’m torn between getting several books, it’s definitely a deciding factor.

I wish I were kidding, but I’m pretty shallow with books.

So why wouldn’t I invest in a Kindle?  It’s sleek and slim, the perfect accessory to voracious book lovers who hate carrying around bulky hardbacks or multiple books.  As someone who always has a book on her and always carries an armload on trips, it really is pretty ideal for me.

But it’s precisely my aesthetic appreciation of books that doesn’t make me an ally to eBook readers.  But in matters of practicality, it’s also not a wise investment — not at this point, anyway.

1. It’s too darn expensive. Although Amazon recently lowered the price of the Kindle, it’s still a pretty steep investment at around $300.  This leads me to point #2…
2. You best not lose or drop this thing. If you drop a book, you pick it up.  Drop a Kindle, and you better hope that screen hasn’t cracked — at best.  Spill coffee on your book?  Wait for the pages to dry.  Spill water on your Kindle?  You get my point.  If anything happens to your book, it’s about a $10 loss on average.  In most cases, it’s salvageable.  You damage your Kindle and you lose not only all those books you downloaded, but also that beautiful machine that cost an arm and a leg.
3. It’s not completely travel-friendly. Sure, it saves space and weighs considerably less than carrying a stack of books — and it’s VIRTUALLY carrying a stack of books anyway!  But really, you’ve gotta be careful with this thing.  A book, you can just toss in your bag without a second thought.  A Kindle requires a little more protection.
4. Screen woes and battery life. If you forget to charge that thing, you got no book.  Lame.  Reading it for lengthy periods is also eating up battery life.  Lame x 2.  And if you work or are a normal human being who spends time online, the LAST thing you wanna do is stare at a screen some more for words, no?
5. Simple pleasures. So maybe it’s just me, but I get a huge kick out of wriggling the bind of the book as I read.  I love that squishy noise.  My sister knows this habit of mine, as it drives her crazy — she’s also aesthetically astute with books like me, but it seems while I like mine bendy and worn-in, she likes hers to remain spotlessly new, and practically unopened.  (Psh.)  And isn’t it REWARDING to just turn a page?  And then see how far you’ve made progress into a book?  I don’t know about you, but that’s the only reason why I even felt encouraged to slog all the way through Atlas Shrugged and Bleak House…

David Gelernter, one of the commentators for NYT’s Debate Blog for “Does the Brain Like E-Books?” put it best:

All reading is not migrating to computer screens.  So long as books are cheap, tough, easy to “read” form the outside (What kind of book is this? How long is it? Is this the one I was reading last week? Let’s flip to the pictures), easy to mark up, rated for safe operation from beaches to polar wastes and — above all — beautiful, they will remain the best of all word-delivery vehicles.

He also proposes that instead of books becoming smaller and compounded as technology gets better, it’ll be the opposite: we’ll be integrating chips in books.  Think of the possibilities: if you can’t find a book, make it beep.  Download updates to the book — discussions, reviews, you name it.  “Such upgraded books acquire some of the bad traits of computer text,” he admits, “but at least, if the circuitry breaks or the battery runs out, I’ve still got a book.”

The special on the news this morning was the cell phone slang used by young’uns today, and they went around interviewing high school girls in Shibuya to get the meanings of certain words. I think most of these are actually used on the Internet or are for gamers, but I guess they’re spreading on the phones too?

• w: From “wara” (笑), which is used like “LOL.” Therefore, www = “LOLOLOL.”
• wktk (ワクテク, “wakuteku”): Excited, pumped, thrilled – you’ve been waiting for this.
• ktkr (キタコレ, “kita kore”): Literally, “It’s here!” It’s the equivalent of “OMGOMGOMG!”
• ちょっwww (“cho—”): As demonstrated by the girls interviewed, this “cho www” (pronounced “cho—”) is like one of those cut-off, gasp-y, surprised self chuckles. The more Ws, the more pleased you are. It’s a smaller “lol”?

There is also the use of number abbreviations, which my cousin taught me a few years back. You read these numbers in the Japanese way and you get…

• 3 9 (さんきゅ = サンキュー): “San-kyu” (“Thank you”).
• 4 6 4 9 (よろしく): “Yo-ro-shi-ku” (“Nice to meet you” or “My best regards”).

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story by themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Your meticulous self has your potentially lazy ass covered with three alarms for the morning.

One of them is your iPhone, which plays a too-chirpy tune for this early in the morning.  Too bad it’s only seven seconds long, meaning it just loops over and over into an annoying repetition if you don’t turn it off quickly.

Then there is your cell phone alarm, chillingly, shockingly loud and aggressive, striking terror into your heart as soon as you hear the first note — Did I oversleep?  What time is it?! — only to realize that it’s still only 6 a.m., much, much earlier than you actually need to get up for.

Last but not least, there is your alarm clock, which the traditionalist in you obediently sets every night.  You’re a child of the 21st century yet you still don’t quite trust technology all that blindly.  What if your cell phone doesn’t charge overnight, and therefore dies around 3 a.m., unable to wake you up when duty calls?  What if your iPhone’s battery mysteriously bleeds out rapidly throughout the course of the night?  What if you become too used to the “pleasant” alarm style of your iPhone or the melodic stylings of your phone, however loud, and somehow keep sleeping right through it?

No, there is something inexplicably reliable about something that runs on two solid AA batteries, proven by twenty-some years of getting up reluctantly for school at the ass crack of dawn by the fate of such machines.

This is not at all, however.  You also don’t trust your willpower, or rather, lack thereof.  You know you know your alarm sets well enough to toggle off the snooze option on all three.  Those extra five minutes you try to sneak in inevitably turn into fifteen, sometimes thirty, and by then, you are forced to run the schedule of a person who perfectly times their wake-up time to give them just the right amount of time to get ready and out the door.

For you, this means no leisurely breakfast, no brief mucking around on the Internet or lazily pondering at your closet door, wondering what to wear.  For you, this is not a morning going well, because you want your own time in the morning, a relatively harness-worthy block of free time to do as you please before you sacrifice your day to The Man.  For you, mornings are a slice of Zen before trekking off to a gloriously long Day, not a period of frantic rushing and coffee swigging and mindless munching.

And so you don’t take chances.  All three of your alarm clocks have been strategically placed around your room.  There is a pllow and then a chair blocking your way to the regular alarm clock, placed on top of your bookshelf.  The cell phone has been tossed under your bed (a potential hazard in that you may not hear it, but you have your back-up in place).  The iPhone is securely placed under your pillow, ready on both melody and vibrate mode.

Only when all of this is done are you ready for bed.

This waking up shit?  It’s some serious business.

[Photo from Flickr, via DHDesign]